In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Plead the Fifth.”
The question I find hard to answer – How many kids have you had. I have two – one by birth – one adopted. But we have had three – and whenever I say two it feels like we are betraying the memory of the one that was with us so briefly. Yet if you say three – that leads to many complicated conversations.
I have to add Alexander considers he has three brother’s as he also counts the one we lost at 7 weeks. In my mind we never has that one – we never saw him but I do see his point.
It’s a question that will probably never have a proper answer.
Scott Andrew Bailey - Author 
So many who commented have the right of it – Whatever you feel comfortable with is what you say. It’s touching that your eldest celebrates his sibling’s memory. Keep writing, its worth it.
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Thank you – I suppose it boils down to not wanting to embarrass the other person -its a very British thing 🙂
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I’m so sorry about your second baby. How devastating for you and your family, but how lovely that your three year old talks about him. Children are so open and honest and I think this is at the core of this problem – we worry about making the person we’re talking with uncomfortable. Recently, I was having lunch with a friend when someone I knew, who’s teenage daughter committed suicide, stopped by our table to say hello to me. I introduced her to my friend, and somehow the conversation meandered it’s way to my friend asking her how many children she had. Embarrassment was completely absent when she replied, “I have four but I lost my eldest daughter to suicide.” My friend was shocked, but it was okay, because the information was shared without fear, just honesty. However, I think that you are the best judge of who you tell, because you have to feel comfortable with your answer. If you feel comfortable with it, then the receiver probably will too.
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I helped raise two stepkids and have one birth kid. Sometimes It doesn’t feel right to say I have one kid.
My stepkids call me mom sometimes and sometimes they don’t.
I like Karyn’s answer. 🙂
Thanks for the post its good not to be alone. 🙂
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Thank you for the ping back!
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I totally get what you are saying as I had a foster son for 11 years and like to include him in the number of children I have but it is always “I have two daughters and had a foster son” Then I wonder why do I not just say three children. but as you say it leads to questions but when we share the answers we are helping someone else and sometimes we do not even realize we are. Thank you for sharing your story. Sorry for your lose!
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Thank you – I would imagine after 11 years that you would be the ones he considered parents
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Yes he was special needs and medically fragile but knew who loved him
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What a meaningful blog! Welcome to Blogging 101! I hope you find lots of good ways to say what you want to say and organize your blog. http://lilypupslife.wordpress.com/
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I hope so – I need something to push me to keep going more than anything to fight against all the pressures on my time and force me to make time to write. Looking to make some bew writing buddies too!
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Well, we are here. No matter what topic people blog on, I have found this to be an extremely supportive community. I blog on mental health, which some might ignore, but I have quilters, poets, military bloggers, you name it on my blog! You’ll find them too.
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Hi Scott,
I had a friend who also lost a child, she taught me a very interesting lesson in relation to the memories of our loved ones who have passed on. The Lesson was ‘ no matter how long they were with us their place will always be there in our hearts because we did share a life with them no matter how long or short they are part of our history. I just thought I should share this with you in relation to ‘the question you find hard to answer’
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Thank you – our little one has become a very big part of our lives – we just celebrated what would have been his third birthday. Our eldest talks about him all the time. So he will always be kept alive in our thoughts.
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I am sorry for the loss of your child. I think the “proper answer” is whatever YOU deem appropriate for YOU in that situation. You don’t owe anyone an explanation –
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Thank you – I guess I will get used to it more in time.
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