I wanted to show this one to all. It’s by a close friend of mine who like me writes mainly as an outlet and for personal reason. For me though this one stands out as something exceptional and I thought it deserved a wider audience.
qlb4's way out of a quiet crisis
The Girl with Vermillion Hair
By QLB4 copyright 2013
Peter told me about
The girl with the most beautiful
Vermillion hair
Who hid it
Denied it
And would not dress to celebrate it
Because it came from her father
Whom she did not like
And yet it was a beautiful part of her
That stayed denied
And so
No doubt
She cried
I do like the concept of the hair colour contrasted by the conflict. I think your friend opens this poem very well but would have liked to have read something different in the last three lines of the last stanza
My compliments to you and will quietly follow your adoption quest.
Talia
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Thank you.
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Thank you for your feedback, Talia, it has made me think some more about this poem. First I must admit that I had to look up what a stanza is – I am new to this media and have no technical knowledge so have learned something new today!
It’s interesting that the second stanza didn’t work for you because the rest of the poem came to me almost fully formed and then I got a little stuck on how to finish it. However, as my poems are dealing with emotional issues I can’t process any other way and ideas that strike me as important; having recorded a story that felt important to me the second stanza is in fact a call to arms to challenge the emotion the girl with vermillion hair is allowing to affect her life.
Perhaps this is an unfinished poem with another verse required to resolve it but there is no resolution, yet…
Thanks again for your feedback.
QLB4
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