Gone
The blue eyes sparked with new
Gone to shadows
Gone
The play, the cowboys and indians
Gone to payments and tax
Gone
The times to stop and breathe
Gone to endless turmoil
Gone, gone gone
A little magic
A little luck
Is needed
A reminder – for me – and anyone who needs it.
Amongst all the dreary advice and articles I have read I came across this comic. Which I think is just brilliant
The original article is here.
Crossing out
Deleting
Inserting
Adding on
Dropping
Expanding
Changing
Evolving
Inserting
Crossing out
Life
And death
Our boy is a bundle
Of boisterous fun
But he doesn’t know
When to stop the fun
And hurts someone
(Rarely himself)
Because of his mental health.
What to do?
What to do?
I am no expert
And no expert
Seem to know
What to do.
Move him on
Move him on
Is all we get
But we will not give up
Like them
His challenges will be his victory
In response to #JusJoJan, JusJoJan.
So TV glamour aside – the reality of living with Autism in the family.
I ended the weekend totally exhausted. Went to work determined to leave it all behind me and concentrate on a major project which culminates tomorrow – when we retire two old websites and divert all the users to the newer current one. Tomorrow is going to be a late one.
First thing I get is a hitch in that process. Second – and before I get to look at that – another site we have has a major problem! It’s main functionality stopped completely.
Deep breath! Put aside the planned work for today – deal with this.
A phone call from the wife – Our youngest -the one with Autism – who has to face a long journey on a bus to get to school every day and has been struggling with it – has finally snapped. Just like we had been warning them – and asking them to change his transport arrangements – to no avail. He has flipped out and hurt other children. Now the bus company are refusing to take him anymore. Not even to bring him home.
So now we have an issue. I now have to get these jobs done quicker as I have to leave early to pick him up from school.
So bang – get one done. Bang get the other one done – need to get them tested and live.
Another phone call from the school.
Now – he has had a fall at school and had been rushed to A&E.
Got to get this fix live! Now! And leave!
Raced over to get him as my wife is in the hospital for heart cardiac rehab.
By the time I get him home and safe my heart is racing and chest is hurting so bad I think I might be joining her pretty soon!
I would say I can’t take many more days like this but this is becoming normal for us.
Oh for the easier days!
I am just thankful I have an understanding employer.
So this month is turning into a nightmare – writing wise – and in other ways. This has largely been down to the fact that I have felt ill for most of it. Running a high temperature and feverish. I can’t afford to take any time off sick and have been crawling into work, making it back home and straight into bed most nights.
All this has had a detrimental effect of our youngest’s autism and he has been a handful, to say the least – in turn, this has had a knock-on effect on our eldest.
To make matter worse – my car has been out of service. It has taken three garages to work out what it was and fix it. I started off using public transport at first but when the Bus broke down it just about finished me off. I ended up having to hire a car. So much money down the drain.
I was feeling a little better over the last few days but of course, there’s so much to do now to catch up. One of those things was to tighten the security on all the kids’ devices. That’s when I discovered that the Microsoft account on my eldest was not working. He could not log into anything – for example, One Drive as it was asking for a parent’s permission. Ok, I followed the steps but this did not work as it was insisting on a US based credit card. It proved impossible to do what they were asking. So I contacted Microsoft, who didn’t believe me. I spent 4 hours going around and around in circles. It appears that when setting up his account originally I must have set it to US. by mistake. Simple – they said – get him to log in and reset the region. He can’t log in!
ME: He can’t log in without my permission!
THEM: OK you give him permission. I can’t! That’s why I am contacting you.
ME: I can’t! That’s why I am contacting you!
THEM: Just enter your credit card details at this link.
ME: The link I told you insists on a US. based credit card so I can’t complete it.
THEM: Ah, that would be because his region is incorrect. Get him to log in and change the region.
ME: @#@!ing hell! He can’t LOG IN!!!!
Four hours! Four hours of this before they admitted it can’t be done. Then they asked me to Fax them his details. Fax! FAX! Is the Microsoft help department still living in the 80’s! I can’t remember the last time I even saw a fax machine. I certainly don’t have access to one.
Starting to feel the mania creeping in!
Anyway, there was one bit of good news amongst all this garbage. I should be ecstatic and singing about it but all the rest has just left me feeling so drained I haven’t really had time to think about it properly.
I have got a new job! Accepted the offer and last week handed my notice in. It’s going to be a big change. Been in the same job for 10 years – time to blast away some cobwebs!
I had one last week. May continue into this week.
I was on annual leave last week. Note leave – not really a holiday – most of the days were spent in hospitals, job interviews and other appointments. But still, did manage some days out with the kids including a trip to London to the Science and Natural History museum. Ambitious for us – especially with an autistic 4 year old. It was challenging but overall very worth it. Things were much better than other trips we have had so there has been improvement.
This week has started with my car breaking down on my first day back to work. Not a good start. However, things have improved with some good news – but that’s for later.
What writing I have been doing has been concentrating on editing my epic poems. One is terrible! But lots of editing will redeem it. The other – which was originally supposed to be the libretto for an opera – I still really love and needs little work. It might be the best thing I have written for ages. Maybe it’s just me. Will be interesting to see if others have the same preferences, is anyone reads them.
What’s inside
Distorts and shapes
The exterior
All those dreams and hopes
Hates and fears
That make up the interior
The moiling
Boiling
Packed and stacked
Stretched and tense
Earnest pretense
That inside us all
Makes us all
What we are
Rather than what
We wish
In response to the daily prompt Interior
#DailyPrompt
It was rough last year. I am not just talking about celebrity deaths.
We as a family have had it rough. We have had family members in and out of hospital, having to deal with a diagnosis of Autism for our youngest and his so far very rocky transition into school. I have had work stress and uncertainty. We have seen our social lives and our house being slowly taken apart. I have seen my writing dreams slip away.
Midlife crisis? Maybe.
I have to cling to hope. It is the only thing left.
So not really new years resolutions as such but goals I am aiming for this year.
To find a new job. But not just another role. I need to get back to enjoying work again. That has been totally destroyed of late – I had thought beyond hope – but if I give up hope then all is lost. I have been thinking about a total career change and that’s the way I will try to go.
To improve our daily lives by trying new techniques for dealing with Autistic behaviours.
To reinvigorate my writing dreams. To help with this I will attempt to complete the daily prompt as well as Ronovan’s Weekly Haiku Challenge. This is purely to get my juices flowing. Behind the scenes, I will try to put together two more poetry collections for publishing as well as another short story collection and a new novel. Ambitious but I must attempt it.
I wish everyone a happy new year and hope you all attain your own dreams and goals.
In response to the daily prompt Year
#DailyPrompt
It’s been a hell of a week – hence a quiet one on here for me.
My wife went to a very emotional funeral to send off her Uncle. While My parents got to see the granddaughter they haven’t seen for nearly 10 years!
My wife also had an appointment about our youngest’s diagnosis of Autism. While I had excruciating physio on my frozen shoulder.
On top of that, server problems of the worst kind meant that I was working well beyond midnight for half the week.
The result being I have had very little time this week. No time to write, no time to take advantage and spread the word about the wonderful review I received for my book (see what I did there) – other than retweet all the retweets!
So the stats are down and so my energy levels.
The plus side has been that the kids have spent a lot of time this week with my brothers and their families. And they have enjoyed that a LOT!
I cannot thanks them enough for their support this week and in recent weeks. It has bonded our family even more I think. Even if it did mean Uncle Daniel getting dunked in the swimming pool a lot and being roped into Batman Games all day and Aunty Carol and Aunty Charlie falling in the sea!
Scott Andrew Bailey - Author 