Blogging Struggles

It’s getting a struggle to keep going lately. I have missed four or five days of my own daily prompts – which I am about to go back and try to catch up on. But it all seems a bit pointless right now. None of the effort seems to be paying any dividends. It is not driving any sales of my books and I am not earning any other income from it.

But then again that was never the point – the main point is for my own mental well being – it’s my outlet. But now its reached the point of being a struggle to keep posting – even that benefit seems to be gone.

And on top of that – like many people, the cost of living is squeezing me and my renewal for the plan I am on is coming up and I simply cannot afford it. This doesn’t mean I have to scrap it all, but I would have to revert to the free plan and then I would lose my own domain name and possibly all the followers I have built up. Unless some kind millionaire happens upon the site (or a few less well off people make a couple of small donations via Paypal – see below) I don’t think I really have a choice.

cropped-all-4-books-banner-flattened-sm-1.png

Keeping the dream alive

A way of making a donation to keep this site alive – just for me to cover the costs of running it. Which is less than £100 for the year but which I cannot afford.

£5.00

Click here to purchase.
Photo by Susanne Jutzeler on Pexels.com

Autism a Colourful Spectrum

A reminder – for me – and anyone who needs it.

Amongst all the dreary advice and articles I have read I came across this comic. Which I think is just brilliant

introduction to colorwheel autism spectrum

The original article is here.

Whisky and a West Wing

By Scott Bailey © 2016

All around me
The walls of my life
Are tumbling down
In slow mo
I am watching
In slow mo
Wondering if
I will survive

Console myself with a
Whisky and a West Wing
Here it comes
The bluster and lies
Sugar coated
Mustard
Wonder which
Turning was wrong

All those choices
Drawing me downward
Further and Further
Darkness beyond
Wonder if
There in an exit
Will it end
If I am still

Silent and still
What use is will
When it is still

Kids

By Scott Bailey © 2021

What am I?
A stat?
A pawn in political games?
The means to fast gains?
Am I to be educated?
Or protected?
Am I a spreader?
A killer of the old?
Vulnerable?
Nobody has asked me.
About my heart.
My lungs!
My emotion!
My whole life,
Is in the hands of the greedy and corrupt.

Photo by Arthur Krijgsman on Pexels.com

A Holiday for the Mind

Modern life is frantic – filled with demands and crammed with stress.

We forget to tend to the mind – the part of us that has to deal with it all – balance all the spinning plates.

What if we could take a holiday each day – just a short one – a few minutes, half an hour – whatever it takes. Everyday.

Well, there’s a way.

Read a poem, absorb it – explore it, let it take you somewhere else. Think about other thoughts for a while.

And I have some – 365 in fact – one for each day for a whole year.

A Spring of Dreams

Check it out – give it a go and give your mind some R&R

Dancing Disaster

So this is a direct quote from Theresa May’s speech at the Tory Conference.

Leaving without a deal – introducing tariffs and costly checks at the border – would be a bad outcome for the UK and the EU.

It would be tough at first, but the resilience and ingenuity of the British people would see us through.

Was that supposed to be inspiring somehow? All I got from that as is this.

Doesn’t matter how bady we fuck it up – doesn’t affect us. You poor sods can bear the brunt of it.

Again

She is literally dancing on the graves of her victims.

II IMG_8455 2

Behind Again

Struggling again to find time to write or do anything at all that is not for someone else.

I am close to giving up for good – there doesn’t seem much point, snatching titbits of time to chase dreams that are ever less likely to come to any fruition.

So back to recycling for now.

Image from Pixabay

Boisterous

For JusJoJan 2nd Boisterous

Boisterous

By Scott Bailey © 2018

Our boy is a bundle
Of boisterous fun
But he doesn’t know
When to stop the fun
And hurts someone
(Rarely himself)
Because of his mental health.
What to do?
What to do?
I am no expert
And no expert
Seem to know
What to do.
Move him on
Move him on
Is all we get
But we will not give up
Like them
His challenges will be his victory

 

 

In response to #JusJoJan, JusJoJan.

 

End of Year Nosedive

Well, this has not been the best of years. If stress were a commodity I would be rich. Think it finally caught up with me this week. Felled by a virus I succumbed to fever and panic and have been in bed for a lot of it.

Thus – I haven’t written any new blogs this week. While I will attempt to catch up it has somewhat scuppered my attempts to reach a target I was aiming for.

This year has been my best for views by far – I have already doubled the last best year. So looking for a new target I was aimimg for 20,000 by the end of the year. I am 800 short. Not likely to make that in the last 15 days of the year. Especially with the holidays coming up.

That said, I am still going to try! So prepare for an onslaught 🙂

Sore Heart

By Scott Bailey © 2017

My wife’s precious heart
Is in need of attention
The surgeon awaits

Well, these two prompt words could not be more apt! My wife is facing major heart surgery this weekend! Consequently, I may be a little quiet here for a while.

In response to RonovanWrites #Weekly #Haiku #Poetry Prompt #Challenge #170 Heart&Need

Surgeon

#Ronovan Writes Haiku Challenge

 

A Nature Weekend and Bird Watching Challenges

This weekend we decided to relax a bit and get out and about in the country. This was partly down to my musings about bird watching. My wife wanted to do some walking, as did I, rather than cycling this time around. The two things – bird watching and walking – immediately made me think of the marshes near us. Haven’t been there for years and what a surprise! It’s always been a lovely place to walk, now it has been taken over by a wildlife trust and they have made some great improvements – including installing some bird watchers hides.

After that, we went to a local woodland park that used to be a gunpowder mill. I have never been there – tough Rachel and the kids have. Again I was pleasantly surprised.

Anyway here are a few pictures of the day – and I am hoping there some ornithologists or keen birders out there who might help identify some of these.

Trying to capture swallows! Rare to see them these days and so low as well.

An oystercatcher? Or a lapwing? anyone know?

Again – what are these big black birds? There are some other angles later on. I think they may shags? Or are they just geese? I need a better telephoto lense.

I know this one! A heron in the reeds 🙂

Breakdown

By Scott Bailey © 2016

I’m having a breakdown
Pieces of me
falling away
Nail hammered
Into my skull
Nail hammered
Into the lid
Of the final bed
I’m having a breakdown

Come on in
Join in the fun
Let’s fly
The quivering eyes
Give rise to the sight
Slipping away from me
Come on in

Rage,
Rage,
Rage
Nothing but rage
At my age to much
To see
You see
Rage

I’m having a breakdown
Come on in
Rage, rage, rage.

Scars

By Scott Bailey © 2015

There is a small group of people
I do not know them
But they watched my tears
As I watched him die
And they carry that moment
In their hearts
I hope
They find it strengthens them
Like a scar
Or a broken bone
It does not me

Weeping

Forgetting it all for the weekend

So it seems the moment I signed up for NaNoWriMo the pressure from all sides of my life takes off like a rocket.

Work has become more and more stressful. To the point of the web site having major problems last thing Friday night. At this point I was so sick with stress I decided it would have to wait until Monday morning. I walked out and decided to try to forget everything for the weekend.

This was not easy, as I said work stress is building up and up, relentlessly. Getting tired of it now.

On top of that the pressure from our adoption is also growing – all the social workers and health visitors want a mass meeting with us – we are naturally stressing about this as we don’t know what it is about. The annoying this is that we feel we have made great strides in the last few weeks and the little one if definitely feeling settled, safe and his behaviour has improved dramatically. The problem is we don’t think they are seeing it.

And then there are financial strains, cars breaking down, things going wrong and family illnesses. All piling on and on.

So this weekend I though sod it all. Lets just concentrate on family time.

And we had a great time. On Saturday we took both boys to a local children’s centre and they had a great time. They found some bikes and played together lovely with them. Then Alexander went to one of his classmates birthday parties. It was in a cake shop, making cakes.

Although he could have stayed we decided that L would just cause chaos in such a small place with flour and eggs! So I took him down to the beach and we spent a great couple of hours together, the best behaved he has ever been. While Alexander had a great time making “Alien” fair cakes and eating marshmallows dipped in a chocolate fountain, L and I threw pebbles in the sea, raced the tide and sat an ate lollies while watching the boats. It was bliss.

On Sunday we went for a walk in the country side around the village. Again the kids were remarkably well-behaved, collecting leaves and twigs for a Halloween picture project mummy has planned.

I won’t say I wasn’t stressed – it was still there bubbling under but time with the kids and my wife has helped.

So despite all that – because of all that and to spite all that – I decided to plough ahead with NaNoWriMo. I uploaded the cover (see below) and synopsis. Using Scrivener I have made a very rough plan. Writing down some very rough scenes, mostly in order though a few may change. I think my next stage of planning will be to describe for each character how they change between each scene. So I get a little journey plan for each of them as a guide.

I still think there an extra dimension to my idea missing, but not going to worry about that at present. It will only be a first draft – I can add more to it later if I still think it needs it once i have finished.

Onwards

Cold Sanctuary

Cold Sanctuary by Scott Bailey

Synopsis:

Orphaned, wrenched from their home, can Gabriel look after his adopted brother? Can he find a voice to stand up for himself?

In an alien world, unwelcomed and lost, all they have is each other. They must endure a clash of cultures, adapting to a radically new life and dealing with deep-seated grief. Gabriel struggles to keep the promise to his parents to look after the brother he has waited for all his life whilst coming to terms with his new surroundings.

Can such a young mind take all the demands? And, when they are suddenly separated, can he find his brother again?

Their searches for answers, for each other and to fill the holes in their hearts leads them on paths of rebellion and revenge.

Poem a day challenge #144 (Drained)

Drained

By Scott Bailey © 2013

Every buzz and chime
On the phone
Is a worry
Something has gone down
Something is wrong
Another demand
On my time and my brain
Which are both drained
Something
Must change

Get the previous ones here
http://wp.me/P3kG6h-bb  and get my début novel Mankind Limited

Poem a day challenge #142 (Sick)

Sick

By Scott Bailey © 2013

Feel as sick as a dog
Too much work not enough play
Dulling the senses

Get the previous ones here

http://wp.me/P3kG6h-bb  and get my début novel Mankind Limited

Further Challenges

So I have now got more obstacles to my poem a day challenge.

Firstly work! Its gone into overdrive. The only thankful thing is that the poems are a good tool for stress relief!

Secondly, eye infections. Seem to have flared up so finding it difficult to look at a screen for long – paper and pen are no better.

Thirdly – THE LAST DARK! it’s out! Its been delivered to my kindle and as a fan – I have the hard copy on its way too. So you may not hear too much from me until I have finished it.

The Last Dark by Stephen Donaldson

Poem a day challenge #132 (Ups and Downs)

Ups and Downs

By Scott Bailey © 2013

From joy to worry
As sickness strikes yet again
Families hold tight

Get the previous ones here
http://wp.me/P3kG6h-bb  and get my début novel Mankind Limited